I'm surprised I remembered the login to this....

*wipes away dust*

I love you, Ernestine

My father commited suicide yesterday.

How am I supposed to feel? We weren't close, but he was still my dad...

My brothers and sister (19,15 and 8) were the closest with him... lived with him... I can't imagine how they feel. I should be lucky that I didn't have that close relationship, buy it's not as if I didn't know him, or that he existed, or that I hadn't ever spent time with him or my siblings... because I have.

It's weird... I feel mad sometimes, because he left them, and they are so young still. I'm mad because neither of us made more of an effort. I'm upset because any chance that could have potentially been there to get closer, is gone.

Is this where my depression and suicidal thoughts came from when I was younger?

I don't know.

My father commited suicide yesterday.

How am I supposed to feel? We weren't close, but he was still my dad...

Hello everyone.

Wow, it's been forever since I've been on here... let alone updated my journal!

Just thought I'd give a brief update here and will cross-post to my other journal.

As you who read my journal (or know me) know, I became an offical resident of Canada in September. Even though i've been legally working here since June. I know have a job that i'm really good at and love, have been promoted and am starting to make some good money :D And it's only a block away from our apartment. :D

So in October we went back to Indiana and visited my family. They love EJ. I'm really glad. I knew they would but to have your family fully accept you, being gay AND your wife, that's just truly a wonderful feeling. :D So we had a good visit, and hope to go back late next summer/fall for a visit. or at the very latest, christmas next year. (besides, i'll have 2 weeks paid vacation to use. LOL) woot woot.

So despite not seeing my family in the states for the 3rd christmas, I had a really good time. EJ held me together when I felt those moments of sadness when it hit me that I wasn't with them or them with me. And I held her together when she had her moments of thinking that her dad wasn't there. So we took care of each other and had a wonderful christmas. We made a deal that we wouldn't go nuts on each other with presents... but.. it's us. we did anyway LOL.

So we opened presents together here Xmas morning with our two cats. (Shade doesn't like wearing the bows. LOL) Needless to say my girl was thrilled with all her gifts, but especially when she got the Evanescence concert tickets for Winnipeg that I told her for a month before that I couldn't get. (hehe) see I can keep things a surprise when I need to. but MAN it was hard! LOL

So I got EJ the concert tickets, lots of little stocking stuffers, picture frames, her Hedley CD she wanted, the Canadian edition of Monopoly, a DVD, CDR's (the black ones ofcourse) and 3 SIMS 2 expansion packs. (we're addicted, but she's moreso than I.. LOL)

I got spoiled too though. The main spoiler was my 42" plasma. *ahhhhhhhhhhh* I still get this tingle everytime I see it LOL :D it's amazing. especially hooked up to the Sony cd dream system we won as a door price at one of the stores here in town! lol She also got me CD's (Eminem and Reba) yes, what a combo but that's me :D uhhh a fuckin awesome model car to work on which i've started and LOVE... a bunch more hotwheels cars for my collection, a new Dan Brown book which is pretty good so far. Yes, spoiled LOL

We also got clothes from EJ's mom and brother, I got some cookbooks, and we also got baby clothes and accessories from our two wonderful friends Crys and Ash :D Just wait guys, you'll be aunties soon! :D wahoooooooooo just hope you can put up with me during the pregnancy LOL

So what else, oh yes, we went to EJ's moms and hung out with her and Des (EJ's bro) and played games. i kicked Des' ass on Soul Caliber 3 :D and we played poker and crib. My baby whooped ass in poker LOL it was a blast :D we had a lot of fun and came home and got into bed. *winks* mmm yeah it was a GREAT day.

Now for new Years we both have 3 days off and the only chores we have are laundry and to pick up a few groceries and to clean up a bit. Crys and Ash are coming over sunday to hang out, party and spend the night. Then sunday (most likely) we're off to Carol's for some hangover soup!

will post pictures tomorrow!!!

I'm selling my drusilla doll.

Any Takers?

Why do I feel so sad?

:(

Hey everyone!

I know it's been forever since i've updated...and this one might get cut short as i'm still at work lol but... I thought i'd at least attempt an update and I can add more later once I get home.

So this past week and a half (since the 11th) we've been out of town. On the 11th we went to winnipeg and spent the night with Ashley and had mucho fun with pizza, talking and movies. Then the next AM we went to the airport. Why? We went to visit my family back in Indiana. Let's just say, the visit was good, the weather SUCKED... and we HATE United and will never use them, nor go through Chicago again!

Be prepared...... rant coming...

First of all, our flight to Chicago was delayed by an hour. THEN we get to chicago and run like hell to the OTHER END of the damn airport to find out that our flight wasn't just delayed, it was cancelled all together. So instead of just rebooking us then and there, they sent us to customer service for united, a line that was TWO football field lengths long! And i'm SO no shitting. we stood in line for almost 2 hours before I decided to go find a gate that had another flight to SDF. I found one, and they sent me another direction. SO by this time i'm pissed, tired and stressed and should have already been in SDF. So I FINALLY find someone that says we're on standby for the 615 flight out. (we should have been there by 6) anyway...

That flight gets completely boarded and we BARELY make the standby list because some others ahead of us were apparently delayed as well and didn't make it so we got their seats. We can't even count how many times we heard people cursing united and chicago because there were like 9 flights cancelled and probably a good 13 delayed. there were maybe 2 on the monitors listed that were ON TIME and not delayed, cancelled or whatever.

So we get to SDF... (my mom waiting for 4 hours for us now) and find out that CHICAGO DIDN'T SEND OUR LUGGAGE. ARGH!!!! So we had to file a claim and got it delivered the next afternoon.

the week was alright, i'm really glad I got to see my mom and grandparents. didn't get to spend as much time with just my mom as I wanted but.... there's always next year right? But we did get some quality me and E.J. time, as well as with my grandparents. They love her to death. She got to know the family more and it was a really good visit overall. The weather sucked, rained a lot so that prohibited a lot of outdoors stuff (aka horseback riding) but there's always a next time for that too. :D

THEN on the way back... we get delayed in SDF for an hour.. so we pull up to the terminal in chicago and guess what... OUR NEXT FLIGHT... was at the EXACT SAME DAMN GATE... and it pulled away as we were entering. That hardly EVER happens that the flight is at the SAME gate you're at, and it's RIGHT on time and is gone. So the next flight... is HOURS away... AND it's overbooked already so no point for standby. *sighs* so we had to get a hotel room in chicago, which WE had to pay for.. not them because "they can't control the air traffic and wind" so we were out another $70 bucks and stuck in the dreadful Chicago. (and our luggage was checked so we had no change of clothes, or anything)

So we get booked for an 1130 am flight the next morning.. which was on time even tho we sat on the runway for like 25 minutes. and got into winnipeg around 3pm. and guess what surprises awaited us in winnipeg? We got through customs no problem etc, (first time using my new PR card) and THE SAME DAMN BAG is SITTING IN CHICAGO AGAIN. they got ONE bag to us, but not the other. now WHAT THE FUCK? I mean, it didn't make our flight we missed, understandable, but there was another one that night we couldn't get on, one at 9am the next morning AND our flight at 11am. You're telling me between ALL those flights it couldn't get put on one??? ARGH!

So we filed ANOTHER claim, then went to the bus depot... no bus to kenora until 1030... so we sat... for 7 hours... FUCKIN BULLSHIT. it SUCKED ASS. and all the while, E.J. is running a fever and sick as a dog. :( we were both near tears just wanting to go home...

so we finally get into kenora around 130am. E.J.'s mom picked us up and took us home... we'd never felt more elated in our lives I don't think lol.

We spent the next day (yesterday) resting cause we were SO tired and felt like crap. They called and said our luggage was in town so we went and picked that up and got a few groceries and that was it. And today, back to work. And my poor baby still isn't feeling well. :( I'm gonna take care of her though. I always try my best :)

well, i've rambled quite a bit, and work beckons.

Hope everyone has a great day/week!

*hugs*

I LOVE YOU ERNESTINE!!! *kisses*

I LOVE YOU, ERNESTINE!

*kisses*

Can't wait to see you tonight :D

*MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!*


Always & Forever baby

( boredom )